I am a yoga teacher’s worst nightmare…
I’ve booked the BALI holiday with a yoga retreat, the true yogics have booked a YOGA retreat in Bali. I’m drawn to yoga because I have a dodgy knee, and can no longer run. Others are drawn to yoga after ‘life’ has thrown them some very curved balls.
I’ve decided I’m a ‘Come on Inner Peace, I don’t have all day’ sort of yogic, others have bounced straight here from a week-long pranayama and meditation journey to personal self-discovery in Queensland.
And little old Wren? Well, she has just wandered in, for the holiday!
At the end of the day, none of this mattered. Our yoga teachers were skilled in making the week the best for each of us. I had a zen time and a few giggles along the way…
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| One of our yoga studios at Ananada Cottages, Ubud |
Whilst others turn up with professional yoga mats and all the gizmos. I arrive with an old aerobic mat chosen especially because it is light and fits in my suitcase.
A good move, so I thought as my Melbourne mat is a 3.9kg Lululemon heavyweight beauty and without it, well let’s just say I have more space and weight allowance for the important things of life … like shopping!
However because it actually says “aerobics mat’ on one side, and I don’t want to look like I’m stuck in a Jane Fonda 1980’s time warp, I turn my mat face down.
I was pretty unaware of what a catastrophe this would cause as I have now turned my yoga mat into a yogic snowboard. I can just about keep grounded in Happy Baby pose, or at a push in a Sun Salutation, but any mention of adopting the Warrior poses and I’ve taken off sliding across the floor, to join up with my rather surprised teacher like an uncoordinated gazelle!
I feel like yelling out “Ta-ra” as I arrive
but it may not impress my group, even if I’m secretly rather proud of remaining upright on my mat… Ta-ra!!
Of course, I’m the only one in the group who has succumbed to Bali Belly. Not that I’m competitive (much) but I’m also the only participant in the entire week, who takes the given option for a restorative pose… for a whole lesson. Well, at least I stay flat on my back in mountain pose, for most of the lesson, before I leave quickly afraid I might disgrace myself.
There is absolutely no way to leave in a hurry from a yoga class quietly, as I run out scattering blocks, straps, my special lavender and lemongrass eye mask
which seemed like a good idea on purchase, but now its strong scent makes me want to vomit. Trying to quickly gather my room key, water and all the other paraphernalia needed to achieve perfect relaxation. I feel bad!
Luckily my Bali belly passes and I return to my old energy levels.Keen to redeem myself I vouch to turn myself into a model student and to make a superhuman effort to be present in the moment.
A few days later we are invited to leave our mats and ground ourselves in the beauty of our Bali setting. I’m up, keen. Engrossed in the ‘here and now’ I set off focussing on the ducks on the horizon.
I walk watching their every movement. The ducks form a perfect line and waddle along the edge of the paddy field. They are white, one stops stretches and flaps its wings. The sun is setting and it’s magical. My hand rests on the frame of the building looking out.
Oh yeah, baby, I have this yogic ‘in the moment’ under control…
I sneak a proud look back at my teacher, and to my horror see the rest of the class has yet to leave their mats. They are moving with such slow deliberate, precision
They won’t be anywhere near halfway to the edge of the room by Christmas ‘Oh come on’ I want to yell ‘Get over here and enjoy the ducks!‘
The moment is lost, I look down at the shoes all neatly paired in the doorway except for mine.
If you have enjoyed this post you might like to read my earlier Bali posts having my biodynamic energy analysis or on getting my knickers in a twist at a Bali Spa.
